Last Push

One last push this college! A week full of pahabol quizzes and project deadlines and another hell week for finals. We got this!


reality bites

Too good to be true.

People often think that I’m too good. That I’m just hiding things to cover up my kindness. Maybe I’m hiding some but not those that some people accuse me of doing. If you think that you can get something from me while I poured my belly with a few drinks, you can’t because I’m telling nothing but the truth.

Sometimes, I also question my kindness to people. Are they worthy of my positive attitude towards them? Do they consider what I’ll feel when they consistently push me to do things I’m not fully open to do? What can they possibly get from being mean to me while I still treat them like they’ve done nothing wrong? Why do I always give in to what they want instead of fulfilling my desires?

Kinda got used to being the bigger person instead of arguing. I know naman when’s the right time to speak up for myself. Because then again, people are diverse and I just have to accept the fact that not everyone will choose to stay on your lane. There will always be some who will pull you down.

reality bites

still pondering


I feel sad.

Uh, again.

I don’t know. I just knew that something felt right with all the things that happened. But it’s just me pala. I’ve mistakenly picked the hints in a way I thought everything’s okay, that we’re okay.

I always make a fool of myself when people tease me to other girls, when I always tell them that I want to pass by Beato or go to La Salle to spot pretty ladies. Yes, I want to see beautiful faces but I stopped liking other people because I know, in my heart, that I already have in mind a girl I’d like to pursue. Problem is, chances are getting less and less each day that we’ve been wasting time to get to know each other more.

Worse, if this is just an unrequited feeling. Time permits you to do things that you need to do. But it is also time that allows people to reconnect and feel happy.

I’m not searching for an answer. I’m not looking for the truth. I just want you to spill the words that you’ve been keeping for so long.

still pondering


Most people think that 2016 will be remembered as a tragic year. Brexit happened. The best president the Philippines never had passed away. UST Growling Tigers team absorbed its worst UAAP season coming from a silver title last year (lol biased). Obama’s term was over. Not everyone was delighted by the results of votes in the US. Marcos was buried in the LNMB. Philippine peso continues to hit low. Death upon death of innocent children were disrupted.

But perhaps, despite all the bad things that took place this year, I may cheer us up by mentioning the good that has happened to me through the help of the people around me (hey, you may be included right here):

To our dear Lord. I have made lots of bad decisions this year but You still guided me throughout the whole process. You didn’t fail to amaze me with Your grace every time I fail even though I thought I’d succeed. You continue to shower me with blessings despite all the mistakes I’ve committed. Thank You thank You for sparing me another year of existence!

To my mentors/professors, for imparting us the knowledge in the field we’re taking and those life lessons that won’t be taught in a lecture from Fluid Mechanics nor Transportation Engineering. You really pushed us hard to possibly become the best version of ourselves.

To my OJT buddies (Gail, Kim, Jirah, Kris), can’t believe that we actually outlived that tedious day-to-day site internship at MDC. From 7am pasok pero 7-8am kain lang talaga sa Mcdo/Jollibee (to) 8am di alam ano gagawin (to) akyat 22 floors without alimak so hello leg day – ladders and stairs gaming (to) hearing heartbreak stories and real husband-wife problems from the engineers (to) witnessing actual damn mad engineers towards the laborers (to) ayoko na mag-cutting list nakakabaliw na (to) long lecture sessions with Sir Lorenz na idol ko haha (to) site visits with Sir Gero na main mentor namin (to) site visit to another location with Sir Gerald (to) wasted faces everyday while riding a jeep on the way home cos tipid gaming (to) anong papakain natin sakanila eh di naman nila tayo pinakain huhu lol and (to) all the serious advises they gave us before bidding our last good bye huhuhu i somehow miss the ojt life, somehow lang.

To my blockmates (4th year second sem), we survived the most brutal term [as what upperclassmen and alumni always remind us] in our civil engineering life! I, for one, had to take a removal exam. Lucky for me, I only had to take one exam [passed it the first time thank the heavens] because there are some who need to pass three exams plus a special project. But hey, cheer up now! We surpassed all of that and look at us right now, we’re on our last sem this coming 2017!

To my present blockmates (may isang sem pa tayo!), you guys are one of the best! I never thought we would be this close and happy. This all started during our retreat and all the days preparing for our GA (from the AVP shooting, poster, props making and sabog practices). I’ve listened to the stories from each one of you and it’s heartwarming that we have shared those without holding anything back. We’ve cried and laughed together and that’s all I’m looking forward to the last time we’re gonna be together. Thank you for believing in me, especially our thesis group, that we deserve all the best to put us in the position where we should be. But don’t forget that you all, too, deserve what we deserve! We are one and I hope that we should all march our way through the Arch of the Centuries come this May/June!

To my prayer warrior (Bryan), I’m so grateful for the things that has occurred to me since you became my prayer warrior. Sana nga lang pinagdadasal mo talaga ako hahaha joke

To my thesismates (Lorenz, Norman, Patrice, Dui), I believe now that we are a dream team! We’ve always supported each other along the way, not just with our thesis but with almost everything! We always give a helping hand and pull up each other. We share the same sentiment of accomplishing things above mediocrity. We did great last semester and I hope we’ll be do even better next term.

To my ACES fam, can’t believe I would come to the point that I’ll belong to my mother org! Thank you for trusting me the position I’m holding my name into. We all share the same goal and that is to serve the Civil Engineering community. Here’s to our remaining days; hustling for the fun-filled activities, brainstorming for a captivating caption (which I think is naging major role ko haha kidding), and more bonding moments together! We’ve been together since the ups and downs we’ve experienced before but we’re still together. Our semplanning at Bolinao last August was one for the books! Totally enjoyed it with you, guys. So yeah, God bless our last term! See y’all sa (less stressful sana) pre-sec and semplanning weee

To my dear college friends [won’t name them; I’m afraid I might forget someone again and then they’ll bully me for not mentioning them lol], you were one of my sources of strength! From cramming everything to reviewing together ’til morning to attending a mass at St. Jude for a quick escape to celebrating a birthday in the midst of a hell week to writing notes for the other! Twas hell of a year for us especially now that we’re graduating (yes, I’m claiming it!) but we’re just a step away yay! #RoadToQPav2017 #RoadToJune3 Let’s do that Pansol getaway again next year, that ang-lakas-ng-loob-kumawala-sa-acads gala just because the sem has just started and stress already paved way through our systems hahahahaha

To Wryza (wew special mention haha don’t tell this post to her, baka maiyak sya jk), you are one of the good things 2016 has given me [and you will always be even for the years to come;  yep iz u hahaha]. You became one of my constants in college, probably the one I’m closest with. Thanks for being considerate to my rants and kalandian sa lyf (ganun ka rin naman sa’kin hay). I appreciate you from hearing me out (lalo na sa facebook chat) because I just felt like you’re the one I trust with all the craziness that’s been happening in Ram’s life (you’ll be the second if I have a girlfriend by now but sad wala eh hahaha huhu). We’ve been friends for four years already and I think this year, we totally became the closest even though you hated me recently for watching Moana with my other buddies while you were fighting for Soil huhu (my bad, really). I hope  you won’t get tired sending me random facebook links or whatever you send me hahaha. Sorry for always (not always) unseen-ing you (I do that to everybody naman you know it hahahahha)

To my high school friends. Hi mga bok! We seldom see each other this year (as in kailan ba tayo nakumpleto ulit????) huhu because our scheds just won’t match. We’re adults now; some of us are studying for boards, there are still fighting in school and those already working! Look at that. I can’t stress enough that I miss you all kasi sina Edzi at Gegs lang madalas ko makasama (hello sa mga night out sessions natin with new found friends haha). We started this year complete (sa EK hahahaha) and I’m looking forward for another hangout, kahit na hindi this year basta makumpleto tayo huhu, where we can catch up with one another’s busy lives!!! I’m also so so so happy that you’re meeting someone that makes you happy one by one now huhu bakit hindi nyo ‘ko inantay magka-love life jk.

To my family. This year really tested us emotionally, financially, you name it. But thank God that we’re still tight together and pieces are being picked up to where it should be. Father celebrated his golden year with us and the family had lots of food trips together during his stay here (i miss crispy pata huhu i miss eating crispy pata three times in a week lol).

To the girl I like who gets prettier and prettier every time she gets a haircut, thank you for being with you and your friends a day before the couple’s day. Sorry for being so so so late that time (i think I made you wait alone for 2 hours huhu really not cool, Ram) but I sensed that we really had a great time eating pizzas way back then, and of course, the stories each of you had. I remember J trouncing her defense that time hehe. Our paths may have not crossed again after that encounter, but I still hope that we can next year (you said you’ll be busy kasi til the end of this year sad). I couldn’t be more proud of you overcoming your internship and presenting a paper abroad! You really are blessed for having these achievements. I just hope that the next time you have another accomplishment, we are already becoming something lol jk. Always remember that I’ll always look upon the best in you and I’m just always here! God bless you always and your family :-))

I guess that wraps up my year. In any case, I forgot someone or something to be thankful for, thank you and I apologize.

We may have suffered tremendous losses in life in 2016; let’s turn these defeats into welcoming 2017 by conquering new goals and seeking greater heights. Cheers to 2017!


Bedimmed Life

Hey. The year’s almost over! Or should I say, the year is almost over.

Four days before Christmas. Four days before my birthday.

I don’t know. I really don’t know what to feel at this moment.

Everything’s a fluster. I can’t seem to endure the fact that while others are spending the holidays at peace, some are still fighting their battles in academics and life in general.

Okay. So to cut the chase, I’m overthinking. I envy people who can celebrate the season with their complete family. Going out of town to feel the cool breeze during the day and the extra cold atmosphere at night. Trying new dishes and swearing to come back once they visited the place again. Receiving gifts from your loved ones and getting shocked for an abundant cash coming from the generous ninongs and ninangs.

But it’s not just about that. I get upset when my mind begins to boggle the thought of being one of those people surprising our friends on their birthday. Secretly compiling the greeting letters, buying a birthday cake, singing an enthusiastic [sometimes funeral-like] birthday song, and the like. I’m distressing myself from the fact that everyone is enjoying their family’s company during my birthday [which happens to be on Christmas Day] and I can’t experience the usual birthday surprise or any birthday celebration with my closest friends. Yes, ang babaw pero ‘di nyo maiintindihan yung feeling kasi ‘di Pasko birthday n’yo huhu. But still, I’m blessed to share the same birthday with our Lord!

Academically speaking, this term is the best so far out of the nine semesters I took. I got 1.0 from three subjects including Marriage and Family (SCL 9) which bothered me, in a way. I’ve learned the rights, the do’s and don’ts, the theories. But I can’t seem to apply those in real life since I, for one, has not yet found somebody that I’ll share my life with for a lifetime. Truth be told, my first two years in college, I never thought of having a girlfriend because, uh, I don’t know. I’m too young and uh, college. I didn’t think I can handle the pressure of both acads and love life during those years pwe. [I regretted not looking for someone on those youthful years though.] I’ve been questioning myself for three years now; Why don’t I have a girlfriend up until today? Do I want to have someone to be with this college? Why can’t I find someone easily the way others do? Am I that too hard to be with? Am I not that special that every time I ask someone out, I get rejected? What does it feel like to have a study buddy when you both have exams? What does it feel like to go to places the first time for both of you? What does it feel like to witness each other’s achievements? What does it feel like to have someone to share your problems openly without feeling the sense of judgment? What does it feel like to have someone that you would like to seek for advice? What does it feel like to go to special occasions and introduce each other to your friends and relatives? What does it feel like to go with someone at the mall to buy a dress and wait for hours before arriving for the final dress? What does it feel like to take stolen photos of each other and post it online saying how much you love each other? What does it feel like to have a number 1 supporter into anything you do? 

Sucks to be me, right? I don’t know what to feel anymore. Each year that passes by, I’m feeling more “less Christmas-y” as the 25th approaches. Hay.

Another year for a sad me. Just allow me to be a part of your life chos.

Kasi ang sakit. Ang sakit sakit chos ulit.
Bedimmed Life