Bedimmed Life

Hey. The year’s almost over! Or should I say, the year is almost over.

Four days before Christmas. Four days before my birthday.

I don’t know. I really don’t know what to feel at this moment.

Everything’s a fluster. I can’t seem to endure the fact that while others are spending the holidays at peace, some are still fighting their battles in academics and life in general.

Okay. So to cut the chase, I’m overthinking. I envy people who can celebrate the season with their complete family. Going out of town to feel the cool breeze during the day and the extra cold atmosphere at night. Trying new dishes and swearing to come back once they visited the place again. Receiving gifts from your loved ones and getting shocked for an abundant cash coming from the generous ninongs and ninangs.

But it’s not just about that. I get upset when my mind begins to boggle the thought of being one of those people surprising our friends on their birthday. Secretly compiling the greeting letters, buying a birthday cake, singing an enthusiastic [sometimes funeral-like] birthday song, and the like. I’m distressing myself from the fact that everyone is enjoying their family’s company during my birthday [which happens to be on Christmas Day] and I can’t experience the usual birthday surprise or any birthday celebration with my closest friends. Yes, ang babaw pero ‘di nyo maiintindihan yung feeling kasi ‘di Pasko birthday n’yo huhu. But still, I’m blessed to share the same birthday with our Lord!

Academically speaking, this term is the best so far out of the nine semesters I took. I got 1.0 from three subjects including Marriage and Family (SCL 9) which bothered me, in a way. I’ve learned the rights, the do’s and don’ts, the theories. But I can’t seem to apply those in real life since I, for one, has not yet found somebody that I’ll share my life with for a lifetime. Truth be told, my first two years in college, I never thought of having a girlfriend because, uh, I don’t know. I’m too young and uh, college. I didn’t think I can handle the pressure of both acads and love life during those years pwe. [I regretted not looking for someone on those youthful years though.] I’ve been questioning myself for three years now; Why don’t I have a girlfriend up until today? Do I want to have someone to be with this college? Why can’t I find someone easily the way others do? Am I that too hard to be with? Am I not that special that every time I ask someone out, I get rejected? What does it feel like to have a study buddy when you both have exams? What does it feel like to go to places the first time for both of you? What does it feel like to witness each other’s achievements? What does it feel like to have someone to share your problems openly without feeling the sense of judgment? What does it feel like to have someone that you would like to seek for advice? What does it feel like to go to special occasions and introduce each other to your friends and relatives? What does it feel like to go with someone at the mall to buy a dress and wait for hours before arriving for the final dress? What does it feel like to take stolen photos of each other and post it online saying how much you love each other? What does it feel like to have a number 1 supporter into anything you do? 

Sucks to be me, right? I don’t know what to feel anymore. Each year that passes by, I’m feeling more “less Christmas-y” as the 25th approaches. Hay.

Another year for a sad me. Just allow me to be a part of your life chos.

Kasi ang sakit. Ang sakit sakit chos ulit.
Bedimmed Life

Thesis Group’s First Overnight

Yay to my thesis group’s first overnight!

October 19, 2016

7:30 PM Dismissed already

8:15 PM Meet up at Jollibee Asturias

8:50 PM Grab driver fetch us at Jollibee Lacson-Dapitan

10:00 PM Arrived at Lorenz’s house

10:30 PM Dinner at Tapsi ni Vivan (sarap ng graham nila!!)

11:30 PM Start ng laban

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3:30 AM Lights out


October 20, 2016

10:45 AM Gising na lahat

12:00 PM Everyone’s dressed and went to Palengke of Marikina

1:30 PM Lunch at Shakey’s

3:00 PM Start of practice

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7:00 PM Dinner

8:00 PM Bye Tamayo family!


What a productive day! Sarap kumain at matulog hahaha jk good luck on our thesis topic proposal defense next week! #RoadToJune3 #RoadToQPav2017

Thesis Group’s First Overnight

SOS

I’m sick once again. The only person in the family who gets sick frequently within a year.

Pityriasis Rosea

Yup that’s what it is called.

Rashes form all over the body. Super OA sa dami yung spots like if there’s a way unwanting to see my body, I would be gladly open to that idea.

Thesis defense in  less than two weeks. And this skin problem makes way now, in the most inconvenient time.

Bye world

Cause of death: Scratching these hella crap damn bitch itchy rashes

SOS

Wild Week

Maybe you’re wondering. Why are you reading this at this moment? Where did I get the time to write something? The answer: same as yours; I don’t know.

Three weeks has passed since the academic year officially commenced. I am finally part of the students eyeing for the greatest fruit of all the hard work from the previous tedious terms. But (there’s always a but *sigh*), I need to undergo unending challenges before I get to that moment so let’s just go back to the present.

Last week alone, I’ve gone into several sessions of celebrations with different people. Saturday night, we went to see a movie with my high school friends and their friends as well. Hell of an evening for I came from a 6-8PM class and travelled to Glorietta alone plus it’s raining! How convenient for commuting ‘di ba. I made it to the film anywho yay  congrats, self. After watching, I and my high school friends have no clue at where we’ll be heading to. At that time, we were just focusing on where could I eat dinner (tom jones na tom jones ako kasi rekta alis after class wala na kain) and where could we stay to just chill and catch up for the rest of the night. And so we went to Taft and asked a friend if we can crash into their house. He approved right away. As we were on our way to their house, we were reluctant to gate crash a house with such one-hour notice but we still pursued anyway. What’s more funny with gate crashing a house is gate crashing a house that isn’t your friend’s house. Hahahahahahaha we were surprised when we found out that it wasn’t his house and they’re preparing carbonara, waiting for a pizza delivery, surfing the net on a tv screen. Twas epic. We stayed there until the morning talking about random things, playing awful music videos, thinking of sleeping but chose to stay awake and the like.

It’s two of my close friends’ birthday celebration, Tuesday night, the college barkada went to a bulaluhan food store to celebrate and the crispy pata was so good! It is during times like this where we can finally catch up together, may not be complete, but we still had a great time!

Thursday night, we celebrated again a close friend’s birthday at Ortigas but this time, with two alumni friends. It was raining but that didn’t stop us to crave for chicken wings lol.

Finally, another birthday celebration of the friend of my friend haha. We eventually all became friends anyway. So yeah, a celebration of my friend’s birthday in Sta. Ana. Meeting unfamiliar people, karaoke all night, several rounds of juice (you know this), endless conversations. All the sabaw-ness while waiting for the sun to rise and eating champorado. It all ended with such smiles which equates to a satisfied feeling from last night’s agenda.

I, know. You are thinking why did you bother reading this? Why am I not doing my research for our thesis topic? How come I’m still not preparing for our report? First long test’s just three days away and still hasn’t memorized a formula. Articles that haunt me every night because I’m way past the deadline. And all the organization’s duties and stuff that needs to be done asap.

Help, I’m freaking out. Slap me, senpai. I need to wake up. I need to face reality. I need to face you as well

Wild Week

Taking Negative Positively

Picture this: The receptionist in the lobby didn’t greet you a good morning. You quench for thirst so you went to a convenience store but found out that they ran out of intensifying cold water. The battery of your phone runs out in the middle of the day. You were stuck in a huge parking lot (aka a four-lane road) because the train was not working due to unending technical issues and you chose to ride the bus instead. You failed a test you’ve studied until 4 in the morning when you thought you aced it.

Of course, you’ll feel bad for encountering such acts, especially when it all happened in a Monday morning where you should start a perfect day so that a perfect week will follow. Cringing face, scratching your head, rolling eyes. What a tragedy!

Pessimistic thinking often leads to a significant psychological distress.  It is this vicious cycle which inclines people spiraling down rabbit holes of depression and extreme anxiety.

Getting deep into being negative thinkers, it is a total wonder why most people think negatively about everything when things can be perceived the other way around.

There are certain negative things we could discern as positive if we should just stick to our authentic selves. Tolerating the genuine behavior of ourselves and exhausting off the negativity can be seen as something healthy. Sometimes, a dose of pessimism can actually help into becoming successful. Consider the following behaviors which are observed by many as something negative but can truly help people to live life spontaneously.

Be angry. Learn to express your anger in a positive way. Let your emotional energy set out to dismantle the unfitting situation that has caused your anger. Release the negativity inside you and try not to avoid it. Avoiding to express your anger might prolong the suffering that caused your emotional feeling in the first place.

Get lost. We usually find being lost as an irritating feeling because we feel like we’re wasting a lot of time strolling for nothing. The truth is, it makes us pay attention to the present moment and redirects our instincts into something useful which are good practices towards positivity. It is true that the journey teaches us a lot about the destination. The paths we never thought of choosing may bring us into finding our true selves. Being lost doesn’t mean we will be lost for the rest of our lives. It simply equates to the fact that we need to take time to find our way, allowing the universe to give the path which suits us best. Don’t overthink if others are racing ahead and you’re back where you started. Because the truth is, you are exactly where you’re supposed to be.

Cry. Most people find crying as a weakness. But crying let others know that we feel, we care and we are affected by the things surrounding us. This emotional distress doesn’t only let us release our grief and gloominess. It also conveys of letting people know that you are an open human being despite being vulnerable into adapting things.

Be alone. Surrounding yourself with nobody is one of the most perceived acts as something to be negative. Others say that not being socially interactive is a bad thing. But here’s the thing, think of the brilliant scientists, greatest inventors and well-known writers. They would have not produced remarkable outputs if they have not found solitude in isolating themselves from the crowd. We should just draw ourselves into being alone sometimes to find deeper inspiration and sense of creativity.

The aforementioned situations are living proofs that we should not be frightened of expressing ourselves because no matter what we do, there will always be something positive to look at. Just imagine this: If you were able to believe in Santa Claus for 8 pure and youthful years, you can believe in yourself for at least 5 seconds.

Taking Negative Positively

Thursdays suck

It’s almost 7 in the morning and this post should’ve been written last night, however, procrastination up topped me so i’m writing just now.

What can I say?

February 18, 2016 – What a day! I meant, what a bad day *deep sigh*

The universe was not on my side yesterday. And it almost killed me.

First is when I have things in mind for the betterment of our pre-lab report. I wanted to make sure that everything’s fine, everything’s above mediocrity, everything’s accurate. However, I only have two hands and there’s a  lot of things to do so everything suddenly went not the way I wanted it to be. But that’s okay, we survive yet another experiment without having a groupmate who has the real score in drawing figures.

Next is another pre-lab for another laboratory subject. It sucks when you have a lab experiment today and you still need to wait the next day to finish the experiment. It sucks even more when you have a lab experiment today and you still need to wait the next day to finish the experiment, and then there is another lab experiment for another subject the same day. Juggling two pre-lab reports in a day is just so stressful. Matching the data gathered and wondering if the obtained results are accurate… Ugh! It’s even harder when not all of you are willing to participate to help. Some tries their best to actually help; some will just leave it to you and do not care at all. And when you thought you’re already finished but in a snap, something came up. Worst feeling ever! Especially when your groupmates were already gone (kasi nga akala mo okay na lahat kaya pinayagan mo na sila umuwi) and you can’t just leave your lab report in a way that ain’t right.It’s already past 7 in the evening and you still have to graph your data in a semilog graphing paper instead of a normal cross-section paper. Wew! Thanks to my kind-hearted blockmates and professor who willingly helped me get through all of this.

I am not the type of person who talks to the people near me in class when the professor is already talking but when I do, the professor sees me and the one I’m talking to and we’re doomed. There has been a little break in between the class when I and my seatmate were talking about how grades are really computed, playing tic-tac-toe and analyzing the solutions presented by our prof. Amidst the conversation, we were not aware that at that time (at most 7 minutes before time = at most 2 minutes before the first bell), our prof’s continued teaching. During that time, I was sitting towards the front (like I’m paying attention to the prof but I am very not aware of that) while my seatmate was still in the zone to talk. And so the professor called the attention of my seatmate and mine as well, telling us that he’s the type of person who doesn’t forget the things his students are doing. He always remembers them and will never ever forget them. He, then, told my seatmate to study the solution of the problem written on the board and discuss it next meeting. I feel so bad for being caught in a very untimely way.

When you knew the answers but your professor is in the mood to talk and talk and tells you are wrong, ugh I so hate you! I was one of the students my stat prof called to answer the problem set she gave us on the board. I knew what I was doing but then she uttered, “Bakit may class boundary dito, hiningi ko ba ‘to?”, in a very unlikely voice. “Bakit percentage yung relative frequency? Dapat hindi ganyan pero sige, okay na yan.” “The first column’s title is wrong. I already told you what to put there.” “And where’s the title of the table?” UGGGHHHHHHHH. Ma’am, are you even helping us to be engineers? Because in the way you speak, you’re not. And don’t get me started when the questions in the prob set were unequally easy/hard. The weight of the question that fell into me was not as easy compared to the others. She even gave us a seatwork, so long, and so uneasy. The reason? It’s clearly due to the fact that we’re not having the quiz yesterday and she’s really pissed. Who would’ve taken a quiz when your prof just said “Oh, bukas na tayo mag-quiz ha.” You could’ve reminded us before so we have already started reviewing but you didn’t, and now you’re throwing back at us. What a shame.

So as I walk pass through the school campus, all of the things happened in the day is coming back. The thing I hate most is the fact that I just want to break down, lie in the middle of the walkway and cry but I can’t. It sucks. While I was eating in Dapitan, a couple went to the same karinderya and paved way to also eat. Seeing them so goofy makes me even sad for I don’t have that someone whom I can share my problems with and motivate me to always become the bigger person.

The only good thing that happened yesterday is that I knew who will help me despite hardships and the spanish breads of VJ! Hahaha

Yesterday truly tested my patience and now I can finally say, I hate being at school for 10 hours; I hate Thursdays!

Thursdays suck