You don’t need to hear what I don’t want to say.

You don’t deserve the hate.

You don’t deserve me.

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What needs to be filled

There will always be a gap.

A gap that should be filled by something or by someone.

To somehow earn what needs to be gained.

To somehow feel what it’s like to be full even just for a short period of time.

After all, there is this feeling of uneasiness when you haven’t resolved a problem that needed a two-way talk.

The one that needs understanding has yet to say something but the one that needs to understand can’t always “adjust” and be the “bigger person”. In reality, if the former feels uneasy for his/her fault, the latter feels the same way for being far from normal, believe it or not.

What needs to be filled

Let it be

Happiness is what we’re always longing for. That feeling when someone checks out on you and asks “how are you doing?” instead of “whatya doing” just feels right, right? Or when your favorite doughnut flavor isn’t out of stock during one of your most down days. How happy can that be.

But can we really attain happiness? Yes, we can. However, it usually happens at the spur of the moment. You can be happy overnight but the next day, your mood won’t be the same as last night’s. You can spend time together and do goofy gestures but at some point, you’ll lose interest because the other did things that were not supposed to do as promised. When you say you’ll try your best to avoid such acts, don’t try; just avoid it period. No questions asked. How can we assure that you won’t do it again when you’re constantly saying you’ll try every after you do it. You just make a fool of the person you speak to and of yourself, duh.

Being surrounded by people can also be a source of happiness. But take note, make sure to be surrounded by people who won’t fail and betray you. People will always say things about you, good and even things that would hurt you. Choose the right people. Don’t limit yourself with people who can’t make the right decisions for themselves. Don’t always let yourself adjust for their actions. Better to communicate well with them so that things get settled and no one needs to understand and be understood. Not talking to each other just causes misunderstanding which leads to one of the worst feelings in the world. It’s like you didn’t do something for the other but the other didn’t get the message and just left you hanging without any warning at all. When you’re waiting for a little concern to cross the other’s mind but nah, let’s avoid each other and you do what you wanna do and i’ll do what i want.

Sometimes, you just really need someone to stay beside you all the time. The mere presence is beyond enough. That feeling when you have someone to share random thoughts and stories that just pop out of your head. That feeling when you can just be you and be genuine with everything you say. That feeling when you won’t feel alone when everybody else has left because you’re rest assured that there’s a single person who won’t let you be alone. Because man, I’m telling you. Being alone has never been the best feeling. You will just get trapped with deep sadness and get hurt by the truth that nobody chose to be with you. When everybody else chose to leave and not a single person chose to stay with you, that just sucks. No one chose to consider what you might feel when you’ll be left yet again. No one chose you. The person you thought would stay didn’t hesitate to leave.

How ironic how everybody wants to be happy when life isn’t that easy to live and always tricks you to feel what the opposite of happiness feels like. We always strive to be happy. We strive to be happy from and with other people. But we’re all grown up and life is just full of challenges. We should seek happiness within ourselves first. Because it’s ourselves that we can hold onto after all, no one else.

Let it be

reality bites

Too good to be true.

People often think that I’m too good. That I’m just hiding things to cover up my kindness. Maybe I’m hiding some but not those that some people accuse me of doing. If you think that you can get something from me while I poured my belly with a few drinks, you can’t because I’m telling nothing but the truth.

Sometimes, I also question my kindness to people. Are they worthy of my positive attitude towards them? Do they consider what I’ll feel when they consistently push me to do things I’m not fully open to do? What can they possibly get from being mean to me while I still treat them like they’ve done nothing wrong? Why do I always give in to what they want instead of fulfilling my desires?

Kinda got used to being the bigger person instead of arguing. I know naman when’s the right time to speak up for myself. Because then again, people are diverse and I just have to accept the fact that not everyone will choose to stay on your lane. There will always be some who will pull you down.

reality bites